A good attempt....

But I have to say you didnt hit the hardcore mark very well. The intro needs work, you started building up ok, then it just died.

You already grasped that happy hardcore sections are seperated into 16 bars. (4x4 kick) Intros usually are close to a minute long. But anyways, most happy hardcore is consisted of: 16 bars of a kick and ride, then add in a flat bass thats 16 bars of a single note, maybe some intro vocals and whatnot, then snare roll into the ending of the intro. Afterwards they usually have a breakdown for 1 section of 16 which is your verse building into your chorus. Usually elements get added after every 4 bars, and on the last bar, the last bit building up into your chorus. The chorus tends to be 2 sections of 16 bars. Then it goes to another verse, (1 sets of 16) that builds up to your next chorus. your outro needs to be the opposite of your intro, starting of full, then every set of drop something, and at the end of the 2nd set, your song is over. You can have as many choruses and verses as you like. But your intro and outro are important, as happy hardcore (UK Hardcore) was made as a song to be mixed at clubs, raves parties whatnot, and the intro and outro are what make the song mixable.

I know that the intro and outro sound boring, but when the songs are mixed, your listeners wont notice the lack of synths drums or whatnot, as the next song in the set is played overlapping yours, but in sync. I know its hard to make your songs long but you have to consider this, with your intro and outro overlapping with the song before and after, your song really only consists of the first verse to the end of the last chorus before the outro. Considering most happy hardcore and UK hardcore songs are 6 minutes long, and intros and outros tend to be a minute, that makes your song only 4 minutes long.

Now im not trying to preach or anything I thought the song was great, but I think if your trying to hit the happy hardcore (UK Hardcore) sound it needs a bit of work.

If you want a good example of a happy hardcore (UK Hardcore) song go check out futurnoize.com or www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkHr-ps2z2A. Listen to that song its got a great example of how a happy hardcore song is structured and whatnot.

Now what i said above is basic to most happy hardcore (UK Hardcore) songs, but alot will deviate and have longer verses (more sections of 16 bars) while some have shorter or longer intros and choruses and whatnot.

Last but not least most tend to be 170 bpm.

Once again, sorry about the long block of text and stuff, just trying to help out a fellow producer, but either way I think it was a great start. Good job, and I do enjoy your other genre's of music :)